The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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