My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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