Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
