You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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