Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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