Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
