Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
