I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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