I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
