I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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