Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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