He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
