hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I skipped work to stalk him.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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