exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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