Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
