Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
