no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
