Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
