Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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