Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
