That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
