Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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