they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
