the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
