So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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