do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
