nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
