accomplished twins. life is a go
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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