Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
