I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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