I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he puts the penis in happiness.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
