Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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