Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
