OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
