I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i out mim tonsoeep
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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