Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
