chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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