brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
