Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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