he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
