I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
