What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
