i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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