I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
