her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
