"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You ate ashes out of my bong
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
