oh god the rape fog is back!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
