bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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