sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
