we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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