Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
