I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
