I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
