What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
it's like iHOP with fire
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
