our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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